Anger: Let's be honest about Anger

Usually, you will direct anger at the safest target, whether at yourself, God, or someone who you see as less powerful than yourself. For example, if you are angry with your boss, but cannot let him know for fear of losing your job, you may yell at your spouse or children--or at other drivers in your path.

When you vent your anger toward someone less powerful than you, you are traumatizing that person, so do not try to rationalize this as being acceptable. Being in pain cannot ever be used as an excuse to hurt someone else. About anger towards God, however: God created anger as one of the normal reactions to a loss, and he can handle it as well as he can all your negative emotions.

Anger at yourself may show up in self-destructive actions: smoking, drinking too much, driving dangerously, eating foods that you know are not good for you, abusing medications or drugs. Hurting yourself always hurts others who love you, no matter how isolated and alone you feel right now. Driving recklessly may hurt or kill someone else, even if you are alone in the car.

If you are feeling trapped in an environment where you cannot show your anger, it will come out in other ways that may not look like anger.

For instance, anger can be a surprising reason for suicide. The thinking can be as obvious as, "I'll show him (her/them). Then they'll see what they did to me." If you any any variation of this going on in your mind, get help now. Your pain is distorting your thinking, and you may not be able to pull yourself out of it alone. I talk more about suicide in a later section of my book, but you can get help online, in the phone book, from a professional, a pastor, a friend.

Long lasting, unresolved anger keeps you trapped in your pain, leading you to take it out on others as well as yourself. Hurting people hurt other people. Unlike the anesthesia of denial, anger keeps you in agony; it will eat away at your heart like acid, filling you with bitterness and wounding those you love most.

If it seems as if everyone you come in contact with is angry, then they may be reflecting your anger back at you.