Bargaining: Make it go away!

Bargaining is negotiation, whether with God or with others you think might be able to help you with your problem. We've all heard the classic, "God, if you keep this from happening, I'll--(fill in the blank with an enormous promise)." Bargaining can be magical thinking, as if God is your genie in the bottle, and you have to get a formula right to make him do your bidding.

The downsides of bargaining:

• If you spend too much time making promises, and trying to avoid your problem, you're not actually doing anything to help your problem or solve it.
• While you're bargaining, you're draining off your important energy for no benefit

After the event, especially something terrible, bargaining can take the form of,"if only." In the car accident example: if you had arrived earlier or later, if you had chosen a different route, etc., etc.

We're talking about bargaining, not Post-Traumatic Stress, of course, which is a different matter. For that, you will usually need someone to help you break the cycle of recurrent thoughts about your traumatic event. I'm talking about something less complicated, although problematic in other ways.

You may believe that if only you had done things differently, if only had not done something or other... you might have changed the outcome. You can delude yourself into thinking you can change the past by dwelling on it and wishing it away.

If you're stuck in replaying history, hoping you can change it, your present is gone, and your future is empty. What a waste!

We'll get to the ways to become unstuck after we finish the Stages of Depression. Hang on!